ST. ANDREW THE APOSTLE

I'M HOME

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I didn’t know what that feeling was. I didn’t recognize it. But yet, it was something physical inside my body that I could feel. It was a stirring. This is what I was feeling on Monday morning as I reached my hands out to receive the Eucharist. I was so ready and yet so anxious and invigorated that I forgot to take my mask off. Deacon Tim was standing there waiting to put Jesus Christ into my hands and he had to say to me, “Take your mask off.”

 

“Of course,”, I thought. “Take your mask off.” But I had waited for this moment for so long. And here I was. I took the Eucharist into my hands and stepped away. It took a few seconds for me to be ready. I wanted to hold Him in my hands before I held Him in my heart and soul. I thought of the times that I had ached for this. I looked up at the crucifix with His eyes bearing down on me. I thought about all that He had given for me to be able to do this. I remember thinking how unworthy I was to have Him in my hands. I felt like I stood there in everyone’s way for 5 minutes...but I know it wasn’t.

 

I thought of the times when I was watching Mass and was angry with the priests and deacons and seminarians wondering if they were so aware of what they were receiving and we were not. And I was sorry for feeling that. I thought of how many times I said the prayer for spiritual communion but yet wasn’t feeling what I needed to feel. And I was sorry for that.  And I thought about how good it felt to back home – home in St. Andrew church. Here with Jesus.

 

I remembered my First Communion day. Yet, this was better because I knew what I was doing. When I was 7, I was excited about the beautiful white dress that I was wearing and the party afterwards. And I got to wear a veil just like a bride.  All for me. And I was going to finally receive a scapular. I don’t remember knowing what a scapular was and I still don’t, but I remember the day being so exciting.

 

And this was so different. I wasn’t in a white dress but I wasn’t in my pajamas either as I had been the last 2 months. I had a rosary in my hands, not a cup of coffee which had become my norm. Get a cup of coffee, go to my chair and go to Mass. Listen to the readings. Listen to the homily. And then take a nap. Yes, Monday was certainly different. I was actually able to hold Him in my hands and heart and soul. Not just spiritually, but physically.

 

After Mass on Monday, as a number of people walked to our cars, everyone first took off their masks to take in a deep breath and then you could hear a sigh of relief from just about everyone. Someone said, “Didn’t that feel great?” And with big smiles on our faces, we all shared our experience about how we were feeling. “Thrilled.”  “Fulfilled.” “Whole again.” “Revived.” And yes, we all nodded at each response. On the way home, I thought that must be what a revival would be like. We were back. Thank you Jesus. We are home!

 

Judy Hoffman

St. Andrew Parishioner